The Three Mistakes Of Christmas

Some of you may know about this delightful foray into the sudden ‘nip’ blizzard that hit upon the homestead just before the last Yuletide. I shall explain the circumstances from my point of view, as clearly, ‘I’ am the master carouser when it comes to the heavenly intoxicant.

(I do love a ‘nip’ toy . . .)

Here goes . . .

A HUGE bag of ‘nature’s finest’ was left on the table, at the beginning of December, last. This was bought with the intention of a fabulous Christmas offering for the felines of the house. A generous gesture that I wish on all feline occupied, domestic establishments.

We are not kittens and therefore it was believed that, as mature cats we would patiently suspend our curious nature and wait until the 25th to open our gift like all civilized creatures. *This was the 1st mistake.*

As soon as the humans vamoosed, we, who usually share our Mom’s bed, disappeared, tout suite. Being oblivious to our narcotic spree below stairs, she selfishly rejoiced in the unexpected freedom of movement on her bed. *Mistake #2.*

By the time I joined in on the fun there was a light dusting of ‘nip’ all over the living room and kitchen area. As most of you know, I am infamous for my over indulgence in the ‘meowie-wowie’. I love the stuff! But I maintain a microscopic infatuation with a certain Marshmallow Cheeked BSH who frowns upon my outrageous behaviour as to becoming noticeably tipsy. Therefore, I had sworn off the ‘Herb of the Gods’.

Yet, here I found myself, faced with a mountain of ‘nip’, just, waiting for a Patches avalanche to commence the downward slide into nipvana. The other cats, rolled, frolicked and then lay about in a befuddled daze as a blanket of the good stuff settled throughout the chambers. Oh, how I wanted to follow suit. Yet, the call of my Lord was too great and I did not give in. *Mistake #3*

I sat on the sidelines while the rest of the felines whooped it up. I, just, knew that Lord Graydon would be proud of my restraint. He might, even get down on one knee and . . . Hmmmm . . . Thinking about his past reactions led me to memories of repercussions which he had spouted.

‘Nip Fiend!’

‘I’m Building A Moat!’

‘Delusional!’

All endearments that had been directed towards my winsome ‘joie de vivre’. I knew this would be another opportunity for His Lordship to stretch his vocabulary and come up with some fitting turn of love-phrase to give meaning to my desire to make ‘Nip Angels’.

‘Cracked!’

‘Bonkers!’

‘Unhinged!’

‘Lunatic!’

And my personal favourite, ironic expletive of his . . .

‘I Am Not Your Lord!’ (He is hilarious when he half-heartedly denies our love.)

I inhaled the scrumptious fragrance and knew that I had to be me. My Lord would expect nothing less. I plunged in! He would never find out.

GLORIOUS!

The rest of the night is somewhat of a blur. I have vague memories of nipball fights, and an attempt at making a ‘Nip-gloo’. The debauchery raged until well into the wee hours.

The following day, was destined for rest and recuperation.

My brofur, Tibbs, decided to share the news of the pawty with the rest of the Twitterverse. He had the gall to mention that I was hung over! (Stool Pigeon!)

Lord Graydon, ever the gentleTom, responded with the most romantic maxim I had heard in a long time, ‘As far as the ‘hanged-over one’ goes, I am not surprised, one bit!’

Could any feline be more sure of this love-filled sentiment?!! My Lord knows me so well and accepts my irresistible foibles with good humour. Our two hearts beat as one!

Despite the mistakes that were carried out that night, there was no holiday snogging or embarrassing displays of aggressive hissing. All in all, a good night.

I hope next year’s seasonal celebration is just as good. Yes, my Lord, you are invited!