“You have a girlfriend? ” Pincy, a talented word aficionado on Twitter, asked my Lord Graydon.

I quickly jumped into the conversation by asking, “Good question, Pincy. I’d like to know the answer to that question, myself. Over to you, my Lord.” I waited with nipped breath for the ‘Lord of all things Grey’ to publicly broadcast the news of our recent engagement.

The suspense-filled delay sent me to my favourite nip toy.

The answer that came back was the straw that broke the She-Devil’s horns.

“No, I do not, Pincy girl. I love all my cat friends, on Twitter, equally.” His Lordship never met an admirer he would consciously alienate; not if he could help it.

I’d had enough of his preposterous behaviour. We were engaged! My Lord knew it, I knew it . . . and now he refused to acknowledge our destined union. I had to dump him and move on. This seemed to be my only option in order to redeem what self-respect I had left. This began my search for another worthy Tom.

I found one very soon when Marie the Aristocat was tweeting  with my brofur, Fatso . . . I mean, Mr. Tibbs.

They were discussing the merits of Big Boy Toms, (excluding a hunky chunky, grey and white BSH, I might add) when this photo of Seanie Boy was shown.

“Who is this Seanie Boy, my Lady? My sisfur, Patches, wants to know.” Tibbs replied. Brofurs are good for some things.

“Seanie Boy says ‘meow’, Patches.” The reply was relayed back via his sisfur, Marie.

“*blushing* Care for a blue jay, Seanie?” This was my go-to offer when faced with a cute white and grey Tom.

“Meows purrdy Patches! I is a shy boy . . . ” Seanie returned.

He was in my crosshairs now. I mean . . . I liked this new Tom. “No need to be shy, Seanie Boy. *Big winks*.”

To which he sent back a sensational photo.

“This is me in my Zomb uniform.”

“Holy Moly, Seanie Boy! You is a noble Prince. *whistles* Looking mighty fine, Sailor.” I was enthralled. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a Tom wearing Navy whites.

“You is bootiful, Patches! Wez catch bunnies together!” Seanie answered. Could this be my Knight in Shining Sailor Suit? Unlike some, who shall remain Greyless, Seanie Boy had the instincts of a predator. My heart began to beat quickly.

The clincher occurred a day later when Tibbs’ pal Spudmas asked, “Anyone for a nip party?”

I had to respond with, “I’m in, Spud. NIP! NIP! NIP!”

Seanie Boy, the sweet talker, answered, “Oh Patches, you is so lovely. I will buy you 10 lives supply of nip.”

I do believe, my soulmate had been found. “Seanie Boy, I’d spend all my lives with you . . . Oh yeah, and the NIP!”

“Yous such a good huntress! The skills! I got a pile of nip with Patches written on it! I rolled in it.” I had to admit, the Tom knew how to woo.

“I don’t want to be forward, Seanie Boy but I will lick it off youse back and head.” I giggled behind my paws. “Second-hand nip is just as good.” I added to show my regard for his efforts.

“Ohs . . . I loves my little headie licked. My sisfur, Elsa, dos this for me sometimes. I loves it Patches. You is so cute! Meowwwww!” Seanie Boy showed more and more interest.

“Meowser Seanie Boy. A late night snack, my gallant Knight?”

“Excellent Patches da huntress Queen. You rock, Beautiful.”

“Seanie, that shyness of yours is disappearing fast. I likes it, Handsome Boy.”

Cleopatra, my soon-to-be sisfur-in-law saw my photo and commented, “Loving the bunny paws, Patches.”

“I do believe Seanie Boy has stolen my heart.” I admitted.

Cleo interjected with a laser-like observation, “Mew two are a match meowed in heaven. ”

Taking multiple hits of my finest catnip, I answered, “Thanks Cleo. I is angling for a ring , like the big guy got for you. My Lord never appreciated the gifts I brought for him . Seanie Boy it is!” This was excellent nip, I was on.

Lord Graydon joined the conversation by meowing, “Hmmm . . . Two ‘over, nipped-out, kitty-hunters’ looking for love.  The Patches and Seanie Romance.  Bonne chance you two!!”


“Dumped?” I wanted clarification.

“I’m sure  you and  Seanie, go purrfectly together. I believe the quote was ‘Seanie it is’ so yes, Belle Patches time to bid adieu.”

How could he be so callous? I shot back in my nip-induced anger, “Breaking up with someone in French doesn’t make it any more sophisticated, you know. *If I could swear in French, I would. ”

Then I turned back to my friend Cleo and told her, “Seanie is a Tom after my own heart.” I had to confide, “I’m out to impress Seanie Boy as Lord Graydon has dumped me. Can you believe that?! His loss!” I was not going to let that, rather adorable grey and white BSH, spoil things for me.

Seanie Boy and myself were definitely more compatible and as much as I longed to rub a certain Marshmallow nose in my new relationship, I owed it to Seanie Boy to give it a go. After all, he offered a lifetime supply of nip.